An Asian couple smiling, holding the key to a new home
Singaporean man says friend regrets marrying young for BTO flat: ‘Biggest mistake of my life’
SINGAPORE: After listening to a friend confess that marrying young for a Built-To-Order (BTO) flat was “the biggest mistake of his life,” a Singaporean man took to social media in search of answers, asking whether others who tied the knot early for housing have ever lived to regret it.
“For those who got married young for a BTO, do you ever regret it?” he wrote in a post on the r/asksg subreddit on Monday (Sep 7).
He then went on to explain how his friend came to make that confession. He recalled that recently, their circle of friends, most of whom are single and turning 35 this year, had a conversation about buying “HDB flats as Singles.”
In the middle of that chat, though, his married friend, who wed at 29, hijacked the discussion and steered it towards his own marriage.
“This married friend started talking about his marriage. He said getting married was the biggest mistake of his life.”
When probed for details, the friend revealed that his wife had stopped working shortly after their wedding, since she could only qualify for blue-collar jobs and her salary was hardly worthwhile once the cost of hiring a domestic helper was factored into the equation. After the arrival of their child, the couple decided she would become a stay-at-home mum (SAHM), a decision that, in the friend's telling, came with its own set of grievances.
The man said his friend complained that his wife “doesn't really do housework” and that her appearance had changed considerably compared to when they were dating.
The man also shared his shock when his friend said he would “rather go alone than bring his wife” to company events, as he felt she was not polished or sophisticated enough to fit in with his colleagues
"I was like…walao bro, you married her leh."
Wondering if his friend’s situation is unique, he asked fellow Redditors, “I am now wondering whether this happening quite often to people who got married young mainly because of the BTO? For those who got married early for the sake of getting an HDB, have you ever regretted it? Or is my friend just an exceptionally jialat case who has a lot to kaobei about?”
‘He likely thinks too highly of himself’
In the comments, many said the friend's dilemma had less to do with marrying for a BTO and more with choosing the wrong partner. They also pointed out that marrying at 29 isn't exactly young.
One commenter said, “This is not a BTO problem. This is a marriage problem.”
Another wrote, “Exactly, it’s nothing to do with BTO. I hear so many of the same cases in USA, in China, in Mexico, in Japan…. any BTO-less country, there will always be bad marriages that exist.”
A third added, “I got engaged when I was 21, BTO a year later. Didn't even cross my mind that we were going to "marry young for BTO". It was just like: we love each other already, so don't need to waste time, start planning wedding lor. Then a BTO exercise was coming up, and we were like, ok, why not. Married 10 yrs now, 2 kids, no regrets. So ya don't marry just for BTO, obviously. Find a suitable partner first, and BTO is just the next step”
Some Redditors were also critical of the married friend, particularly his complaints about his wife's appearance and lack of housework.
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One user said, “The fact that his wife’s appearance changed a lot as compared to when they were dating is because your friend doesn’t pull his weight as a husband and father at home. He likely thinks too highly of himself being the sole breadwinner, and the wife have to kowtow to him at home. Be the maid to do all the housework plus take care of the kid and cook all the meals and barely get any money or time for self care. This is a classic case; join any of the mothers’ FB group, every day you will see post like that. Some is just waiting to line their ducks together before making their escape.”
In other news, a Singaporean worker vented on social media after his colleagues called him a “cheapskate” just because he chose to “eat cai fan instead of chicken rice.”
The worker took to the r/singaporespeaks forum to share the upsetting lunchtime encounter after he and his colleagues visited one of their clients’ offices in Marsiling.