Singaporean woman questions stereotype that local women expect men to pay for everything

SINGAPORE: Singaporean women have long been accused of having impossibly high standards when it comes to dating, from expecting men to foot every bill to wanting a partner who can bankroll their lifestyle. One 25-year-old woman reckons the stereotype is getting rather out of hand.

In an anonymous post on r/asksg, she pushed back against this stereotype, saying she struggled to understand why Singaporean women were so often portrayed as materialistic and entitled, particularly by men online.

“Most of my female friends don't even expect their boyfriends to pay for every date, let alone fund their entire lifestyle, and when their boyfriends don't pay, they don't make a big deal out of it either.”

The woman acknowledged that she had met Singaporean women who expected their boyfriends to provide for everything. Such women certainly existed, she said, but they were hardly representative of most Singaporean women she knew.

“I feel like there's this growing narrative, especially among men online, that Singaporean women have insanely high expectations when it comes to dating. But are our standards really that high, or are we just expecting the bare minimum?” she asked.

‘No money, no talk’

The woman also mentioned in her post that, through her work and social circles, she had come across women of other nationalities who held considerably higher financial expectations of their partners.

“For example, I've had Malaysian and Chinese colleagues who openly expect their boyfriends to pay for everything. Some even mentioned expecting their boyfriends to send them an angbao when they're on their period, sometimes RM1520 or RMB1520.

“Meanwhile, most Singaporean girls I know would probably just appreciate some chocolates or their boyfriend getting them food LOL.”

With some of her Chinese colleagues, expectations like having a car, being financially established before marriage, and paying for all dates “seem to be pretty normal.” 

“And they don't necessarily see these as high standards, but simply what a man should provide.”

She also recalled speaking to Thai and Vietnamese women working in nightlife venues, particularly Siamdius, who were rather more upfront about the financial side of dating.

“I've literally been told ‘no money, no talk,’ and some even described treating men like walking ATMs. But I suppose the dynamics are different in that environment, especially when some men are essentially paying for attention, companionship, or the girlfriend experience. Not something I personally relate to, but that's a separate discussion altogether.”

To be clear, she said women from these countries “are not all like that.” These were simply her personal experiences with people she had met, and she recognised that her sample size was hardly enough to speak for millions of women.

Still, she found it ironic that Singaporean women seemed to attract so much criticism for being materialistic when, from what she had observed, many were financially independent, happy to split expenses, and not looking for a man to fund their every whim.

“Personally, I don't think wanting a man who's financially responsible, emotionally mature, and willing to put effort into a relationship should be considered having ridiculously high standards.”

“Obviously, there are entitled women everywhere, Singapore included. But I really don't think it's fair to generalise an entire generation of Singaporean women based on the loudest or most demanding examples.”

Seeking perspectives, she asked, “Do you actually find Singaporean women more demanding financially, or has this stereotype just been repeated so much that everyone assumes it's true? And for the Singaporean girls here, do you really expect your man to pay for everything, or is that expectation being exaggerated online?

“Curious about what everyone thinks, especially those who have dated both Singaporean and foreign women.”

‘Their expectations are actually very low’

Many in the comments sided with her.

One user said Singaporean women generally don't expect men to foot every bill. “Last time when I was in the dating circle, we also went Dutch, and then our dates were hawker centres? Sazeriya, etc., only sometimes, like once a week. My bf at that time would pay for dates. Even for holidays, we also split expenses together. Then with our BTO, I can confirm we are paying the mortgage together.”

Another remarked that, judging by the men his female friends date, their expectations are actually very low. “And I don't mean looks, but being interesting, being intelligent, and just having a spine.”

A third user shared he'd dated people of different nationalities and realised that most of his good experiences were with Singaporean women who were “down to earth” and unconcerned about income.

A fourth added, “I have paid for every date with my fiancée and the first time she paid for a date was on Saturday, and it was a treat for my birthday. She doesn't ask me to pay; I just do. It's not even that deep... I shower her with gifts, and the answer I get is just, ‘Why did you even buy me this?’ after a thank you and hugs.”

“They aren't expensive gifts; they are like hair clips, stickers, washi tape, and good-quality socks. It really isn't that deep, guys... I make less than the median, and I can still save money and ‘spoil’ my fiancée.  I don't think the problem is the girls having expectations, and I don't think it's the guys' problem for not wanting to pay fully.”/TISG

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