‘I did try to control my irritation’: Manager asks for opinions after coworker cries and takes sick leave during work discussion

SINGAPORE: A manager took to Reddit to ask Singaporeans for their thoughts after a coworker reportedly broke down in tears and took sick leave during a discussion about work processes.

The manager, who was explaining the processes to the coworker as part of her rotation, admitted that he had been frustrated during the conversation. However, he said he had tried to keep his irritation in check and was left wondering whether he could have handled the situation differently.

Coworker joins department as part of a rotation

In his post, the manager explained that the coworker, whom he referred to as “J,” had recently rotated into his department.

J had previously worked in a frontline role at the same company for around one to a few years, according to the manager. Her new department was closely related to her previous one, so he expected her to have at least some familiarity with the processes being discussed.

However, he felt she had mainly been following instructions in her previous role without fully understanding why certain things were done in a particular way.

There was also a language barrier to contend with. The manager said J was not local and that colleagues sometimes had to explain things to her in her preferred language. The problem, he said, was that they were not as comfortable speaking that language as she was.

English, he pointed out, is the “common language” in their workplace, and employees were generally encouraged to use it.

She had time to prepare

Before J officially began her rotation, the manager asked her to go through a deck containing information relevant to the role.

She had three working days to read through the material, which he felt was a reasonable amount of time given that the role was something she had already been trained for when she first joined the company.

She had also previously received training on the processes, well before the manager himself joined.

As part of her rotation, J was supposed to look through the material and identify differences between the processes used by her original department and those used by the manager’s team. The aim was to understand where the two departments could better align their work.

However, when the manager eventually went through the deck with her, he came away with the impression that she had either not read it or had not gone through it carefully.

“It was clear she did not read it, or rather, not thoroughly. She had 3 business days to read this deck, and it was what her role was trained for.”

She got it all wrong

The conversation became more difficult when they moved on to some paperwork.

The manager said they came across two reports that had been raised by J’s original department. When he tried to explain why the reports were handled in a particular way, he also asked her to explain the process back to him to check whether she understood it.

According to him, her explanation was incorrect.

This apparently surprised him, particularly because the reports had come from her own department and she had been working there for longer than he had.

“When I tried explaining to her why it is done this way, and have her explain it back to me, she got it all wrong.”

J then asked two follow-up questions, which he answered one after another. She subsequently asked him where he obtained the information for the first question from.

By then, however, the discussion appears to have become rather uncomfortable.

She thinks I’m aggressive

Partway through the conversation, J went to the toilet and was away for around 30 minutes.

When she returned, the manager said she was crying.

“When she reappeared, she was crying, saying she was taking sick leave and left. I caught up to her; she said she was having a migraine, and she just said that she felt like crying, so she cried.” 

“After a while, she admitted that she thinks I’m quite ‘aggressive’ (her words) when explaining things to her, and she didn’t think it was right to tell me (she said I’m her mentor) to slow down or to communicate her confusion with me. I do admit I was a little frustrated, but I did try to control my irritation.”

It’s unprofessional

The manager also brought up another incident involving J and a different colleague.

Before J rotated into his department, she had been sitting near the manager and another colleague, whom he called ‘A.’

On one occasion, A was explaining something to J, and the manager noticed that she appeared to be getting irritated during the conversation. He said he also noticed her tearing up, although she did not openly show it.

He also pointed out that J’s rotation was not simply a basic training exercise. She was undertaking it because she was due for a promotion, which made him feel that she should have had a reasonable understanding of the work involved.

“I think it’s unprofessional, irresponsible, and a little selfish that she just left instead of communicating that she was unwell or she didn’t understand.”

“This rotation is not a basic rotation. It was because she is due for a promotion.”

Seeking perspectives, he asked fellow Singaporean Redditors, “Can I have opinions on this, please? I have been reflecting. Could’ve been more patient, but I would’ve appreciated communication instead of walking out.”

‘She is too emotional’

Most commenters were pretty much on the manager’s side. They felt that if the work was part of her job, she should have been able to get on with it, particularly as she had been given enough time to prepare.

One wrote, “If it's in her job scope, she should do it since she had ample time. If she can't perform her job, it's not your job to coddle her and accommodate her incompetence. Promoting someone that's clearly inadequate is the worst; you're just making the people under her suffer in the future.”

Another commenter felt the same way, saying, “I'm not sure if you are in the position to influence this, but she should not be promoted. Not just because of her lack of competency, but she is too emotional.”

That said, a few Redditors thought the manager could have gone about it differently. They did not necessarily think he was wrong to expect her to know her stuff, but suggested that a calmer tone might have stopped the situation from escalating.

One told him, “[Use a] calm tone. ‘May I check have you gone through the slide? It is very important. Let's meet again after you gone through. I want you to give 5 questions from the deck. Then we will have a q&a this Friday.’”

Another commenter also encouraged him to show a bit more empathy, even if he found the other person frustrating.

“React with more empathy and respect, even if you don’t feel like it. I mean it. Previously I was working with someone who was a hell of a pain. While I stood up for myself and the someone was upset, I got my karma for years after.”/TISG

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