Singapore woman says husband listens to his mum more than her: ‘I felt lonely on my wedding day’

SINGAPORE: One Singaporean woman said she regretted getting married almost immediately after realising that her husband seemed more willing to listen to his parents than to her.

In an anonymous NUSWhispers post, the woman said she had already noticed this dynamic before their wedding. However, she hoped things might improve once they officially became husband and wife.

“I feel that I married the wrong person. Before the wedding, he would listen to his parents (mostly his mum) and follow what they tell him, but always forget mine or ignore my words,” she wrote. 

According to her, she often had to repeat herself several times before her husband would remember what she had said or act on it. When his mother said the same thing, however, she claimed he would act on it after hearing it just once.

Wedding day

The woman also mentioned that her husband was “glued to his parents” for most of their wedding day.

She recalled that while she was eating at the table, her husband and his parents “were in a very loud discussion about which guests did not attend.”

“To be honest, that was so unimportant and I didn't feel the need to address it on the spot, because so what if you know which guests are absent? There is nothing you can do on the spot, but the food will get cold and you will miss absorbing your very only wedding atmosphere).”

Even after the photo-taking sessions were over, the woman noticed that her husband still stayed close to his mum.

She saw him stand beside her for around 10 minutes as she spoke to a relative, and he did not even notice when she walked past them. “I felt lonely on my wedding day,” she said.

Disagreements 

The problems did not stop after the wedding. If anything, the woman said things quickly became more difficult.

Whenever she got angry or upset, she said her husband would become “even angrier.” She also claimed that he had mentioned divorce within the first two weeks of their marriage.

“I told him multiple times I am angry because he doesn't listen to me, but his defense was that he does listen to me but I can't see or feel it.”

She also said she had started feeling more and more lonely in the marriage because they did not seem to have many “shared interests.”

“I share cute photos and videos of my newborn nephew with him, yet he lost interest within 8 seconds and continued scrolling TikTok. I also have no interest in the TikTok contents he is watching because I am more invested in my own kin.” 

“I used to entertain him and watch through all the TikTok videos he sent me before, but not anymore. We would lie on bed and use our phones in silence at night. And we don't even give other kiss anymore after getting married, I remembered but he wouldn't even bother to kiss.”

The same went for holding hands. The woman said they could no longer hold hands in public for very long because her husband would sometimes pull his hand away so he could use his phone.

Over time, she said she began to feel that she was putting much more effort into the relationship than her husband.

“To be very honest, I feel like I love and care for him more than he does for me. He is more invested in himself, always seeking validation in his dressing and looks, but when it's my turn, he just makes very sweeping statements and then wants the attention back on him.”

“I am quite tired of initiating anything with him now, be it kissing or hand holding or conversations, because I feel he won't do it himself because I keep initiating it, and he won't feel value adding to the relationship if I do or do not do it. I don't know what I'd want to do if I move past this phase and want to fix our relationship. I doubt he will want to go counselling too because he rejected that idea before our marriage.”

‘Save yourself from a disaster’

Many commenters urged the woman to think carefully about whether she wanted to stay in the marriage.

One user felt that her husband mentioning divorce within the first two weeks was already a major warning sign.

“For a man to say the D Word at such an early stage, it means he doesn't take things seriously. So make that happen. There’s no loss. Save yourself from a disaster.”

Another bluntly told her that she was “married to a manchild,” adding, “You are not the reason for the marriage. The reason for the marriage is his mother. He needed you to fulfil his mother’s wishes. If this theory is right, see if he asks you to have a child.”

A third commenter advised her to end the marriage before children became part of the picture.

“If you can't talk things out with him and he's refusing to engage or listen, best to end it before kids come along. It wouldn't be fair to the kids (and to yourself). If he cares about you and your marriage, he'll wake up. On competing with your mother-in-law, don't try.”

A fourth, however, suggested that the woman seek counselling on her own first. “Would you consider going for counseling/therapy on your own for a start? The purpose is to focus on yourself and gain clarity on your next moves. If he finds it in him to join u, then that's great. But if he doesn't, it's fine too, as you would be doing it for yourself and your future (with or without him).”

In other news, a Singaporean woman recently turned to Reddit after discovering that her boyfriend of one year and eight months had spent S$1,400 on games over four months.

Posting on the r/asksg subreddit on Saturday (Aug 15), the woman said she and her boyfriend had already spoken about his spending habits in the past, particularly his tendency to spend money on “games and figurines/merchandise.”

Read more: Singapore woman worries BF may not be financially ready for their BTO after S$1.4k gaming spree