Young couple calculating expenses
My friends were shocked that my wife knows all my finances: ‘A husband should always keep some’
SINGAPORE: Is it really wise for married couples to be completely open about their finances, including how much is sitting in each of their bank accounts?
One Singaporean man recently took to Reddit to ask whether he was being too financially transparent with his wife after his five close friends were left stunned when they learnt that she knows exactly how much money he has.
The man said the discussion came up during supper with his friends, when the group began chatting about money and, more specifically, how much husbands should tell their wives about their finances.
“One of them mentioned something about his wife asking him how much he had in one of his accounts. Another guy joked that there are some things your wife doesn't need to know,” he recalled in his Reddit post.
When it was his turn to answer, however, he said his wife already knew about everything.
His friends apparently needed some clarification.
When they asked what he meant by "everything,” he simply replied: “All.”
“And they went, ‘What do you mean all?’ I said, ‘All means all, lor.’”
That was apparently enough to send several of them into full “facepalm” mode.
According to the man, his friends were convinced that he had made a mistake by being so open about his finances.
One friend told him that “no matter how good the marriage is, a husband should always keep some that his wife doesn't know about.”
Another was more blunt: “No need to tell all mah.”
The man said his friends were not necessarily arguing that spouses should distrust one another. Rather, they believed there was value in maintaining some financial independence, particularly in case a marriage eventually went wrong.
“Basically their logic is trusting their spouse is a good thing. Nobody goes into a marriage expecting things to go wrong. But, revealing entire financial position leaves me unnecessarily exposed if the relationship ever turns bad,” he explained.
“Another pointed out that it was not about hiding them from the wife, it was more that husband and wife should each maintain some financial independence and don't necessarily need full visibility into everything the other person has.”
The Reddit poster, however, said his wife had never demanded to know how much money he had.
She only became aware of his finances after they got married, and he appeared to see that level of transparency as part and parcel of planning a life together.
After all, he questioned how couples could properly sort out matters such as insurance, nominations, and financial planning if they did not have a clear idea of each other's finances.
Still, the reaction from his friends left him wondering whether he was actually the unusual one in the group.
“I'm sure I'm not the only one, right? Because 1 out of 6 guys at a supper is hardly a stats, right?” he asked.
‘What worked for them might not work for you and vice versa’
Plenty of Reddit users chimed in, with many saying the answer ultimately depends on the couple and their circumstances.
Some couples are completely open about their finances, while others prefer to keep certain things private.
Others said some couples simply split their household expenses 50/50 while keeping a personal financial cushion on the side, giving each partner the freedom to spend on their own hobbies, interests, or little luxuries.
One wrote, “You’ll be surprised at how different each couple’s dynamics are. My friends are 50/50; some couples know each other’s full financial info, while the others don’t probe.”
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Another commented, “There's no right or wrong. I've got friends who regretted having their wives know all of their income and savings and became quite dejected having to ask permission for stuff, but overall it is ok.”
“Another who marries non-local because they have a tradition of letting their wives handle all their finances. Both sides remain married. Ultimately no outside opinions should form wholly of how you and your spouse manage finances.”
A third told him, “Your relationship is your relationship. Their relationship is their relationship. What worked for them might not work for you and vice versa.”
In other news, a 23-year-old woman is wondering whether she’s overreacting after a male colleague, about 10 years older than her, allegedly continued messaging her even after she told him he had crossed her personal boundaries and asked to keep their relationship strictly professional.
According to her post on the r/asksg forum, the man works in another team within the same department and is part of the lunch group she occasionally joins.