young woman sitting at restaurant table with her boyfriend
‘It feels too equal’: Singapore woman says 50/50 dating made her less attracted to man after 2 dates
SINGAPORE: A woman in Singapore recently faced backlash on Reddit after sharing that she found herself less attracted to a man she had gone on two dates with because they both paid for their meals, which made their dynamic feel “pretty equal” to her.
Taking to the r/sgdatingscene subreddit on Monday (Aug 10), the woman in her 20s said the man initially seemed like “a pretty good option” on paper. He was “kind, respectful, and emotionally available,” she said.
However, as they spent more time together on their dates, she realised she was not feeling the romantic connection she had expected.
Explaining her thoughts, she said that on their first date, the man had chosen the place and offered to pay, but she ended up covering the bill at the time because of a “small logistical issue.”
“Later when I jokingly said something like ‘you owe me,’ his response was along the lines of being happy to pay his share or get the next one,” she went on.
“On the second date, he did pay, so overall things have been pretty fair and balanced. The issue is that I’m realising I don’t feel very strong romantic attraction, and I think part of it might be the dynamic. It feels very equal in a practical sense, but emotionally it comes across a bit platonic.”
The woman said the arrangement made it feel as though they were simply two people “keeping things even.” She did not feel as though “she was being pursued.”
According to her, this was also the moment when she began to realise that she might be more drawn to a dating dynamic where the man takes a little more initiative in the early stages, whether that means taking charge of the planning, choosing the restaurant or offering to pay
“I’m aware that he’s not doing anything wrong, and a lot of people prefer splitting and see it as healthier. So I’m a bit conflicted between thinking this is a good, stable guy and I should give it a chance versus feeling like if it doesn’t feel romantic, that matters too.”
“Am I being unreasonable for not wanting a 50/50 financial dating dynamic? Am I overthinking this, or is this a valid reason to feel less attracted?” she asked.
“Also, if this comes down to preferences, how would you communicate something like this early on without sounding entitled or putting pressure on the other person?”
“Tell him how you feel, and see what he thinks”
Commenters under her post strongly opposed her views, with one user telling her that the way she felt about the man had little to do with money.
Another told her, “Be honest with yourself la… I’m pretty sure you just don’t like a 50/50 dynamic. The entire description sounds more like a cover-up to make it look like you’re not superficial and blaming it on ‘dynamics’ instead.”
A third wrote, What did I just read!?? You mean you need guys to pay for you in order to feel that you are being pursued? You think you are Kong Hee Ah? The more you pay, the more faith you have??? Your mentality is totally wrong. How and where did girls get this kind of confidence and self-entitlement from?”
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Several others, however, defended the woman, arguing that there was nothing inherently wrong with wanting a partner with a provider mindset.
One told her, “I think you're young, and you have very romantic hopes, and that's fine. Wanting to be provided for is fine too. My advice? Tell him how you feel, and see what he thinks. Be prepared to change your mind or walk away if you don't agree.”
In other news, a man who failed to secure employment and has thus ventured into entrepreneurship took to Reddit to ask fellow locals whether taking out debt in order to survive might be a good idea.
In his post on the r/askSingapore subreddit on Wednesday (Aug 5), the man explained that the job market had been “terrible” to him and he’s now down to his “last month's worth of savings.”