Sad, depressed woman
‘I’ve had enough’: Woman considers cutting ties with parents after years of strained relationship
SINGAPORE: A Singaporean woman is considering cutting contact with her parents once she moves out, after years of feeling that the relationship has been painfully one-sided.
With her wedding on the horizon, she turned to Reddit to ask couples who had been through something similar what happened after one partner decided to go no contact with their family.
“Couples who had a partner go no contact with their family, how did it go?”
Sharing her dilemma on the r/asksg forum, the woman said she was particularly hurt by the lack of support she received while growing up. She claimed she had largely been left to shoulder her own education expenses and had never depended on her parents financially.
She also mentioned that she had only asked her father for financial help once, but even then, things did not go as she had hoped.
“During my final year in university, my bank loan could not cover the final term. So I asked my dad for help, and he asked me to pay him back after I started working.”
“I understand that it isn’t a small amount, and I was thinking of just giving him S$10k before I’m married.”
Moreover, when she previously spoke to her father about getting married, he said he expected a “bride price” from her future husband, mentioning a five-figure sum. “I was quite angry after hearing that actually,” she admitted.
She added that her father never seemed to miss an opportunity to remind her of everything he had supposedly done for her.
“He likes to stick it in my face that he provided me a roof over my head, food on the table, etc., and I genuinely think that that’s the bare minimum if he chose to have kids.”
‘I’m scared’
The woman said she had previously tried to mend her relationships with her parents, but felt that she was the only one making a real effort. Eventually, she decided she had had enough.
“[I’ve been contemplating] whether I should go no contact with my family. My mental health suffered a lot,” she wrote. “But I’m worried if there’s anything that they can do legally to me if I were to cut contact? My parents know where my new BTO would be.”
“I’m also genuinely scared because I’m also not looking to have a wedding banquet, and I’m not sure if my partner’s side will judge me for my family dynamics, especially since I’m mostly/usually not at home.”
‘Such toxic parents, especially the father’
Her post prompted a range of responses, with several Redditors appearing to sympathise with her decision to walk away.
One user said they had found themselves in a similar position six years ago and ultimately decided that going no contact was the right choice.
“I made the decision to move out on my own six years ago and cut contact with my parents. Difficult initially, but I have since bought my own place, still don't regret my decision and have no intention of rekindling the relationship.”
“Some say that I am unfilial and that after all this while I should try to reach out to my parents again. But why would I, after I have done so much and tried so hard to get away from them? That would be taking 2 steps forward then 3 steps back.”
Another commenter criticised her parents, saying, “Such toxic parents, especially the father. What kind of father demands a bride price for raising a kid when it’s parents’ responsibility and choice of having one… very sad world.”
Newsletter
Get updates straight to your inbox
Meanwhile, a third user advised the woman to settle the money she owed her father before cutting contact, partly to avoid leaving behind a potential source of conflict.
“Have you repaid your father the money he lends you? Would suggest that you repay him the money before cutting them off so that he cannot sue you to claim back the money.”
“There’s a maintenance of parent act, but the criterion is if a parent cannot sustain themselves financially. Since your father has enough money to lend you, I guess they should be doing financially well, so don’t think they can sue you under this act.”
In other news, a taxi ride took an awkward turn for one passenger after her driver allegedly showed her a bleeding wound before asking her for a tip.
The passenger shared her experience anonymously on Reddit’s r/asksg forum on Wednesday (Aug 12).
In her post, she explained that she had booked a metered taxi through Grab and was minding her own business when the driver started chatting with her halfway through the journey.