28 y/o Singaporean hesitant to move abroad because of ‘filial piety’: ‘I feel a lot of guilt about leaving my parents behind’

SINGAPORE: A 28-year-old woman took to social media to share that she’s been rather hesitant about moving abroad due to “filial piety.”

She recently received an opportunity to pursue something she is passionate about overseas, and by all accounts, the prospect has her rather excited. There are four seasons to look forward to, a slower pace of life and, crucially, the possibility of living somewhere smaller and quieter than Singapore.

For someone who thinks she might thrive better in a small town than a bustling city, it sounds almost idyllic.

There is just one problem: her parents are not exactly cheering from the sidelines.

Sharing her dilemma on the r/asksg subreddit on Saturday (Aug 8), the woman said her parents were unhappy when they found out about the opportunity and told her they were “unwilling to travel long distances to visit her” if she moved abroad.

“I can plan annual trips back, but beyond that I am not sure what to do,” she wrote.

“I also feel a lot of guilt about leaving my parents behind. It feels like I'm not living the life I want if I force myself to stay here even though I am proud to identify as a Singaporean. Yet, not being able to be close to my parents when they are not supportive also eats at me.”

She also worries that her parents could become increasingly isolated as they grow older. According to her, they do not have many hobbies, are not particularly tech-savvy, and do not speak English well.

She has tried encouraging them to pick up new interests and hobbies so they can stay active and build a life of their own as they age. Unfortunately, getting them to embrace the idea has proved easier said than done.

Her relationship with them remains close, though, even if they do not always see eye to eye.

That, perhaps, is what makes the decision so difficult.

“While it's easy to say one should go pursue your dreams and live a life true to yourself, it is hard to do so because of the filial piety and other mindsets/cultural norms that I have grown up with. It is very hard for me to reconcile this, and I'm at a loss of what to do,” she explained.

“Of course all this sounds very forward-looking, and I am aware things may change. But I am just wondering if I should even be considering finding opportunities abroad after the stint, or if I should just come back to Singapore.”

“Your parents will understand over time”

In the comments, one Singaporean Redditor who had been in the same situation told her to think about which choice she would regret more in the future.

“As someone who had the exact same problem and yet followed my dreams anyway, I’ll give you the advice I listened to when I was deciding: Choose the path of least regret. When you’re grey and old, what would you regret more? Would you regret staying, or would you regret leaving?”

Another reminded her that, ultimately, it was her life to live and that she should not let her parents make the decision for her.

“This is your life; you have to live it your own way. Your parents' lives are their own to live. Don't let them dictate how you should live it. Once you are there, you never know if you may or may not want to come back. Life is short, really. Once you are there, it doesn't mean you won't come back because life is very unpredictable. Good luck and best wishes in your endeavours.”

A third Redditor reassured her that choosing to follow her heart did not necessarily mean she would be giving up her family for good.

“If it's something you really want to pursue, then just go ahead. I have moved countries twice. Never regretted once. If I get a third chance, I will take it in the blink of eye. Your parents will understand over time.”

In other news, a man who failed to secure employment and has thus ventured into entrepreneurship took to Reddit to ask fellow locals whether taking out debt in order to survive might be a good idea.

In his post on the r/askSingapore subreddit on Wednesday (Aug 5), the man explained that the job market had been “terrible” to him and he’s now down to his “last month worth of savings.”

Read more: Jobless man with one month of savings left considers taking on debt to survive while starting a business