‘I paid for shelter, food, transport’ – Singaporean regrets racking up S$8k debt for ex-girlfriends

SINGAPORE: A man ended up loathing his “provider mindset” after he racked up S$8,000 in debt from financially supporting his two ex-girlfriends.

In a Reddit post titled “In S$8000 debt because of love,” the man opened up about his dating history and admitted that looking back now, he feels embarrassed at how much he gave away in the name of love.

His first relationship, he said, began when he was 21 and his girlfriend was 19.

At the time, she had reportedly been disowned and kicked out of her home, which made him feel it was “his responsibility to help take care of her basic needs.”

“[I paid for her] shelter, food, transport, etc,” he recalled. “One day we had an argument due to miscommunication, and she decided to take some time off from me. Literally after that, she told me that she had no money for her rent and food so I, still being blind in love, took my life savings money for her.”

Although she was grateful for his support, she later told him that she was seeing someone else.

“It honestly made my heart sink,” he said. “After she told me that, I tried my absolute best to win her back but it was hurting my heart for months. After a year, I finally cut off contact with her and decided that she would be happier without me.”

When he finally moved on at age 27, he said he entered another relationship with a 35-year-old woman who warned him beforehand that “she was already another man’s property.”

This didn’t seem to deter him, however, and they continued dating.

But a few months into the relationship, she began venting to him about financial stress, including rent and bills.

Wanting to help, he decided to take out a S$3,000 loan for her.

“Me being me, I decided to take a loan of S$3000 for her because I genuinely care for her and don't want her to get worried,” he wrote. “She was indeed grateful for it but after a few months she needed money again for personal reasons and I loaned out S$6000.”

“After a few months we broke up, as I couldn't handle the fact that she was another man's property and always felt like more of a loser when she hung out with him than with me,” he added.

Despite the breakup, he said he never asked for the money back because his intention had “always been to help her” rather than treat it as a loan.

“That is the story of how I got into debt for love. It kind of makes me regret every single thing that I have done in my life. I'm wondering if there is anyone that has ever faced a similar situation with me?” he wrote at the end of his post.

“Your desperation makes you an easy target.”

In the comments, several readers explained that having a provider mindset is not inherently wrong. The problem was that he ended up in relationships with women who took full advantage of his generosity.

“You provided for the wrong person,” one user said. “Why provide for another man’s property? Also, you can provide for meals and holidays, but her debt is not your problem because you’re not even married. Learn and move on.”

Another commented, “Please don't put yourself down in this kind of situation...EVEN if they are your best friend, wife-to-be, or even parents. It's just not logical and financially sound to be going into debt for someone else.”

A third added, “Taking out a loan to fund your ‘provider mindset’ is the dumbest thing anyone can do. Especially for someone who ‘is another man's property’? What? Stop with this saviour complex. Your desperation makes you an easy target. You probably can't afford therapy, so just work on yourself and on rebuilding your wealth.”

In other news, a 21-year-old daughter has turned to social media, overwhelmed and worried, after learning that her 53-year-old single mother has still not been able to find work since losing her job in December 2025.

“I’m pretty desperate to help her since I’m still studying and can’t rake in much cash besides part-time work, and my brother is serving NS with low pay,” she wrote on the r/singaporejobs forum on Thursday (Mar 12).

Read more: Daughter asks if 53-year-old mum can still get a job in Singapore? ‘I’m pretty desperate to help her’